You're Sober, That's Cool, But You're BORED
Written by Ben
Hey Tribe,
Welcome back!
You've gotten completely sober, 2019 Ben. You've committed to NOT wrecking your body and psyche with alcohol and/or other drugs.
It's going well. You've been riding the initial high of righteousness. Hey buddy, want to go out and drink or get high? Nope, I'm sober now! None of that for me!
Aw yeah. Good on ya keeping your body healthy and clean.
Now weeks have gone by, and HOUSTON, WE HAVE A NEW PROBLEM.
You're BORED
But you don't want to go back to doing degenerate shit to get your fix of fun.
So what'll you do?
Be a boring, lonely sober person?
Go to church for your fix of wild fun?
Accept that you'll never befriend people who can have fun sober?
Sure, you can keep yourself busy with work and/or school. But you need your fun too, and playing video games by yourself doesn't cut it.
Going to the gym doesn't cut it. Cleaning your room doesn't cut it. Developing skills doesn't cut it. Self-development is necessary to be successful. The last thing you want is to be a worthless loser who didn't do anything useful with his time.
But self-development isn't everything. What's life if you don't share it with anyone?
You need a social life.
How about doing a milder version of the shit you used to do?
Like going out but not drinking or doing any drugs? Remember the last time you did that? You were sick of being the only sober person around a bunch of drunk/high people, so you left the bar before midnight and went home for some Netflix.
What's the point of going to the bar if you're not going to drink, right?
Or just getting a bit drunk without blacking out or anything like that, you say? Sure, let's see you try that.
Okay, you've gone out, partied, and come home. How many drinks have you had? 10? And you're still not satisfied?
Welp, if only you had a bottle of wine laying around somewhere, or liquor stores were open 24 hours! Or you had some drugs laying around, but you promised you'd never do them anymore, so that won't ever be an option!
I'm going to let you sleep, then see how you're feeling tomorrow.
Are you enjoying that hangover? Last night was so not worth it, eh? You blew off some steam with one of your "going out" friends, met some people you'll never talk to again, aaaaand you're unfulfilled!
What if I told you the problem wasn't you, but your company?
Yeah, remember that time you went to that concert and ran into an old friend you hadn't spoken to for years? You cut yourself off after 3 drinks there! So we know: You can drink in moderation, as long as your company's good.
To kill your boredom in sobriety, fill the void with human connection
Because isn't that why you started drinking and getting high in the first place? You were lonely and you wanted some excitement that you didn't have to rely on other people for?
Then you made friends over that, but you craved bonding with people over more meaningful pursuits.
You shouldn't keep that a "someday". You should make it TODAY.
Get out there and make those connections!
To connect with other people, you must first connect with yourself
The reason you don't have friends who align with what you REALLY want out of life is because you yourself aren't aligned with it.
If your dream and your day aren't united, human connection will be more difficult than it has to be.
When your dream was to be popular in the social scene, meeting new people was easy! You'd just go out with friends, get drunk, go up to strangers, and see what happens.
Now your dream is to live a life of fun, achievement, and adventure ON YOUR TERMS. Going out and trying to impress drunk people feels empty! They don't even like you anymore! The girls don't want to entertain you, and the guys can't relate to you.
Here's a harsh truth for you, 2019 Ben, you're LAME. YOU'VE LOST YOUR MOJO. 2016-2018 you may have been misguided, but at least he was exciting. At least he felt something for his life. At least people felt something for him.
Now, you just work on your business and train all the time. That's productive but boring. No wonder you aren't making any new friends. No wonder you aren't dating or fucking any new girls. No wonder life is unexciting.
Ironic, you preach "fuck someday, what are you doing TODAY?" but you're still waiting for the "someday" where you magically make some friends or meet a girl and finally have something to do for fun.
You're unpolarizing, unexciting. You're disconnected from your idealism, which you mistakenly used to think of as a weakness. It was actually a strength. Your mistake was not bringing it more into reality.
When you were a degenerate, you got degenerate girls! The more wholesome ones even entertained you sometimes!
But now that you're more wholesome and righteous, why aren't you getting ANY girls, not even the wholesome and righteous ones?
Why aren't people in general gravitating to you like they used to?
Why are you alone all the time?
Unite dream and day.
You don't excite anyone because you don't even excite yourself.
Truth is, people DO want to get to know you and to share life with you. You're worth it just like they are. You're just not giving them or yourself much to work with.
"What do you do?"
"I go to the gym and also to coffee shops to work on my thing"
Not much of a life, man. Where's the fire? The passion? The life force? The raw masculine spirit rebelling against its societal constraints?
You're afraid to live. You're afraid to be the man you're meant to be.
Good news: 2020 you isn't so boring. He's uniting dream and day: training in kickboxing again, making gains, finishing the novel you started in 2017, cold approaching girls, sharing wisdom about dating, and cultivating his energy overall.
And 2020 Ben is even starting to make some new friends.
His habits don't impress them. They don't care how often he trains or how many hours he spends getting shit done every day.
They care for his energy, for the life force his presence radiates onto them. That's what really brings people together.
Excessive drinking and escapism used to dampen that energy, then quitting those and being scared to really build a better life absolutely shot it.
But now, I got my mojo back. And life will only get better from here.
If you're lacking that mojo like I did last year, follow me on Twitter. Feel free to DM me any time for your energy-cultivating needs.
TTYL,
Ben
Website - Chemistry Method
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