What's Dating Like When You're A Degenerate?
Written by Ben
Hey Tribe,
Welcome back!
Simply put, it's SHIT.
You do degenerate shit with friends you pretend to like, maybe meet some attractive new connections through it, make a move on said attractive connections, then text them, get led on by them, and end up nowhere fast. Maybe you'll even date or have sex with one. MAYBE.
Sounds fun, right?
Yeah, only if it's better than a completely uneventful lifestyle that you don't share with anyone.
I didn't quit my former degenerate lifestyle earlier than I did for one reason above all others:
I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ALONE.
Drugs, alcohol, casual sex, and overall degeneracy weren't just pursuits that made my life eventful; They were my reasons to bond with my social circle.
With my FWB at the time and with one of my closest guy friends, our favourite form of quality time would be getting drunk and/or high together in the comfort of one of our own homes. I genuinely love those two people, and our relationships didn't need altered states of consciousness to thrive, but I was used to sharing drunk/high experiences with other friends.
I felt like I NEEDED altered states of consciousness to have fun. My sober life didn't satisfy me. I didn't have pursuits meaningful enough for me to value them above my escapism.
Today, I know better. I know I don't need anyone's permission for my life to happen but my own. I'm putting in the work every damn day to end up somewhere better than I am right now.
But in the past...
When I'd have sex with or even kiss girls, that'd almost never be sober.
When I'd see friends, it'd usually be to go out and do degenerate shit.
Hell, I had to be drunk and/or high to EVEN TOLERATE some of my friends. If I never did drugs or alcohol, those people wouldn't have been in my life at all. And sometimes (more like OFTEN), I'd spend time with those people as an excuse to get drunk/high/potentially laid without feeling like an absolute loser doing it alone.
Let's get to the point: What was I like with girls?
The occasional Tinder date or hookup.
Approaching girls in clubs, occasionally making out with them.
Cuddles and sex on tap from the FWB, which her boyfriend didn't know about. (And I don't plan on getting between a girl and her boyfriend again. That's not very honorable)
Flirting with girls who were attracted to me but didn't act on it cause they didn't want to be with a degenerate fuckboy, or they had a boyfriend.
Flirting with girls who didn't like me at all.
But I'd never be with a girl who I truly wanted as a girlfriend, or even meet one.
I knew I could do so much better than mediocre thots and anxietygirls. If only my lifestyle was higher-quality and I wasn't such a degenerate, then I'd be meeting girls I'd consider for a relationship, not just a mutual transaction.
But I wouldn't.
BECAUSE I WAS A DEGENERATE.
AND PEOPLE OF HIGH CHARACTER DON'T DATE DEGENERATES.
CARDINAL PRINCIPLE OF DATING: You meet and attract people whose values and emotional worlds overlap with yours
If you strongly value athleticism, you're unlikely to date someone who isn't athletic.
If you're highly needy or narcissistic, you're unlikely to date someone who lacks neediness or narcissism.
If you strongly value intelligence, you won't bother trying to date people who don't intellectually stimulate you, unless you're desperate.
And if you're a degenerate...
Maybe you'll fall in love with another degenerate, but it's unlikely. And you don't want that because getting intimate with a degenerate will keep you at their level.
I bet you want a better partner than that.
A partner whose idea of having fun is more than simply getting drunk or high.
A partner who's ambitious and doesn't just do the bare minimum to be a functional member of society.
A partner who really fires you up and gets you feeling passionate, not just someone you tolerate and have sex with because they aren't ugly and they give you attention.
To get an amazing partner, you yourself have to be amazing.
Would YOU want to date someone who gets high every night?
Would YOU want to date someone whose favourite activity is drinking to blackout every weekend?
Would YOU want to date someone who objectifies their sex life?
Would you rather date a healthy, growing individual who does interesting things? If so, you must be that way, or else truly amazing people won't want to be associated with your degenerate ass.
If you're not ready to exchange your vices for virtues, then your dating life won't improve.
Only when you change yourself for the better, will your dating life change itself for the better.
If the only dating partners you attract are emotionally repressed, unhealthy, manipulative, or whatever, it's for a reason. It's because something about you is attracting those people. Either you value something they also do, or something about your emotional world aligns with theirs.
The standards you set for yourself and the people you want to meet will shape your dating life more than anything else does.
If you need help getting your dating life in order, keep in mind that I'm a dating coach who knows his shit about men, women, and sexual relations. Check out my Twitter to find out more.
TTYL,
Ben
Website - Chemistry Method
Website - Personal